Dec 26, 2013

You will be missed

By this time, im still crying, but i still wanna post on my blog because i want this day to be list one of the important day in my life.

Aku tengah edit gambar dengan Kak Yah td dkt Vsco, konon right after 12am Malaysia nak post birthday shoutout untuk dia. Tiba tiba got a whatsapp noti from my eldest sister "Nenek just passed away" I shouted NOOOO. No way. Just no. Please no. 

Paan said why? Aku cakap nenek aku meninggal, everyone gathered to comfort me and they said okay lepas isya' kita bc Yassin. Never feel this sad before, ambik air sembahyang menangis, sampai duduk atas lantai toilet tak habis lg menangis, sepanjang Nais jadi imam tu, tk stop stop menangis dok fikir hows everything in my house now? 

Aku baca mesej tu balik, passed away? Aku tk pernah kehilangan orang yg aku sayang since i was 10. When i was 10 years old, mother of my granny passed away. Nenek was crying beside her and keep on cakap "bu bangun lah bu, tadi elok yo makan bangunlah bu" That time i looked at my mom, how it will be when her mother passes away? 

Aku terus scratch Weinak and called my mum. She said hello i just burst into tears. Dia ckp Abil jangan lah menangis, im the one who suppose to cry. But She cried, i know. She was alone at the hospital dgn nenek during that time. Every 3 months adik beradik mak will rotate jaga nenek, now is my mom's turn.

Aku balik 2 times this year (second year) and i keep on blaming myself asal aku balik August haritu sebab things will b different if i didnt go back. Like you know i have more time to study for the takmili, I dont have to meet someone that kononnya blame me for everything and few things lagi.
Sekarang baru aku macam bersyukur gila aku balik and bersyukur gila i cancelled my plan to go out with my friends, drive to Bukit Jalil (Pak Long's house) to meet her one day before I go back to Jordan.  Deep inside, aku tahu mak mesti macam rasa puas hati gila she did her best to take care of nenek thats why she didnt cry and sad. And her last breath was in front of her :) 

But i dont know about atuk. Like how is he going to be without Nenek? They are the cutest couple ive ever known. Every solat, atuk akan duduk sebelah dia and baca fatihah and guide her like "okay sujud, Allahuakbar" because nenek dah forgot banyak but still she never missed even one prayer.

Last 4 years ago i guess, the last Aidilfitri when nenek was still okay, she didnt had a new baju raya to wear, so she just wear  a baju kurung and bila aku tolak wheelchair dia dr bilik, atuk said "Cantiknya awak Yahh, macam bidadari" nenek blushed and said "Apo lah cantik ea den ni ha, dah tuo" :') 
Atuk pun guna semua chance to tell that he loves her, and appreciate all the moments they had. You guys teach me something about love. I hope my husband will love me the way you do, atuk. 

Im the one who in charged buat Yassin as a doorgift for our granddinner. Never knew, the first time i used the Yassin (because complete with tahlil) is for you :') even my friends used their Yassin for you nek. I hope you feel the love and we will always love & miss you. 

Alfatihah Saadiah Binti Zainuddin.

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